So last night I stayed in. Big mistake! BIG MISTAKE!
It was a usual Monday night as far as the tv schedule was concerned- being as there was absolutely bugger all on; apart from Celebrity Big Brother- but then the idea of watching Jade Goody and her fat whale-lips slurping over and over, churning out the biggest load of crap you've ever heard, is quite a turn-off. But hey, i thought, there's always radio- isn't there?
Well, yes there is- if you enjoy listening to 85 year old men who have been shoved into care homes by their families moaning on about how their tesco bags split when they piss into them and banging on about how rude the youth of today are- or demented psychopaths- usually living in Croydon who phone up once every ten minutes to ask for the time. This isn't my idea of GOOD RADIO!! No, no!
Good radio is 'Iain Lee' on LBC 97.3 or Clive Bull not some fat bloke who looks more like an articulated lorry dribbling his crap all over the microphone- and then playing some song that makes your hi-fi explode with rage. Some stations such as (I'm disguising the name here) 'SportTalk' should realise that not everyone who decides to defect from tv to radio actually wants to talk about traffic violations all the time. Then some presenters don't even talk at all- they just murmur to their producer every ten seconds to ask for a biscuit or a cup of coffee. This is so irritating- especially if the presenter does overnight and your radio deliberately wont tune into any other station.
The worst radio stations are the ones that cant even take calls due to budget cuts- instead they get some lard ass fella to take his volks-wagon around town while he shouts through a megaphone and records everyone's views on a live dictaphone. Legislation was brought in last year to ban fat people from being able to work on radio- as when they turn around they knock over the bloody desk.
Back in 1996, a woman called Susan Moslimin sued Graham Hedge for knocking her unconscious when he went to tie his shoe laces. Hedge was around 20 stone at the time so the accident was really inevitable- considering the woman was only as tall as his left knee cap.
TV's also crap though- such as Celibrity Big Brother in which the only highlight of the show was Ken Russell's snoring.
The tv producers should DITCH reality tv and make more proper shows. Reality tv is NOT real. I mean the only way Celebrity Big Brother was real was in the way they showed Ken Russell to be- which was fat and full up- especially after he made the other servant housemates make his breakfast early. Just because he's old doesn't mean he has any more rights than the rest. In fact because he is elderly he should probably have less rights and should be strapped to a chair and force-fed by a badger. Other housemates such as Goody and Jermaine Jackson should be wrapped in Cling Film and tormented by dwarfs.
Anyway tv or radio- definately neither!
Lesson of the day:
Get out more!
