Unbelievable, that's all i can say about the 9th of January. So far i have had a really BAD day. Then for me, that's pretty usual. It all started at about 6.59 this morning when i was walking out of the door and said 'good morning' to the sh*thouse in the royal mail uniform (postman) and he blanked me then threw the mail through the letter box with an angry fist. Of course i understand they have a hard job- i mean delivering letters is a dangerous job isn't it? Well, no, actually it's not. It's not as though they're constantly at risk of being kidnapped or bundled into a Ford Transit is it? They just stroll down the street, throw the mail, walk off and get paid a lot of money.

I soon got over this hostile encounter with an employee of Her Majesty's Postmen and set off for school. On the way, I have to take a train but of course knowing my luck, they were none, or none with any seats that is. The train company (i will not not name it!) seems to be oblivious to the fact that standing up is annoying. And it really takes the piss when you have to stand next to a man who resembles a tank, is about 30 stone and stinks of chip fat. Then of course he reads doesn't he, oh yes he does. He waves the paper in the face to the point where it knocks you over. Or if he's wearing a backpack, he turns around and ensures half the passengers on board are knocked out cold. And to top it all, he was American. Now I've got no problem with Americans, don't get me wrong they do their bit; well, their bit to pollute the whole planet and ensure we all don't see our 28th birthday. (American swines!)

Americans are typical of people who oblivious to what others think about them, and go round thinking they're so high and mighty. Well, hate to break it to you Americans, but you're not!! That's right, you're not! You're just like the rest of us, (on second thoughts) you're not because you are inbred and live in stupid houses with stupid names like Wallnut Hill House or Fountain Mews and put those stupid signs on your garden gate that warn us to watch out for your dogs!

Anyway, back to my day, which is now getting better as I write this blog. After my incident with the postman, being knocked out by a fat American, I got off the train, still angry at being pushed half way down the carriage by someone's stomach, and decided to get something to eat. Yeah, why not I thought. But little did i know that the 'Snack bar' on the platform doesn't sell 'snacks'. I know, you work it out. I was gutted and bloody hungry so I walked down to the Colonel (KFC to those without intelligence) and had a Mini Fillet. Not bad for 99p but rubbish when there's no chicken it!!! I thought Kentucky Fried CHICKEN sold CHICKEN in their stores, obviously I'm wrong. Really i should have them in court for breach of contract but I did get a replacement after i moaned about it and i got a second for free due to the distress they caused me first time round.

After Kentucky Lied About Chicken i got on the bus. This was a double decker so i thought i'd go to the top and sit at the back (like a gangster would, right?) Well, no because real gangsters don't sit at the back of the 156 and scratch the windows to shit, they go popping each other in the head with guns and having each others mums. That's what gangsters do!

Gangsters in America (yep, back to Fat Town) live in houses made of marshmallows and drink herbal tea. I know, it's a strange world! They also make love to swans and shoot illegal immigrants. Foxes reign sumpreme with some rumoured to speak Dutch after 10pm and all women under 29 stone are labelled Anorexic!

Men in America are told to lick grass and some of the elderly eat ferilised soil for fun. Diseases are rife with 1 in 2 Americans suffering from 'Arrogantitus'.

Anyway my day has been crap, but i'll leave it there for now!

Lesson learned today:
All fat people should be sentenced to liposuction!